I have eaten over a case of oranges.
I drink caffeine coffee daily, just once daily.
I am dehydrated, I don't think one glass of water is cutting it.
I drink wine when offered, but only one glass.
I take my prenatal vitamins as frequently as I took my birth control pills.
I can devour a bowl of strawberries drenched in sugar.
Famous Amous cookies make my day, each day at noon, on the dot.
I'm begging for a Greek student to bring me baklava.
This kid is so strong. I love his kicks and stretches, even if they come over my ribs,
wake me up, or cause me to make very strange facial expressions.
I love my little hot pepper.
Squirming, jumping, kicking, strong.
I am enjoying being pregnant, for now :)
Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Openess
Trying to reshape my time on the internet. I think it is just leading to more time on my stupid phone. Oh well. www.momastery.com is my new favorite blog:
"I’d found my thing. Openness. I decided, based on firsthand experience , that it’s more fun to say things to make women feel hopeful than it is to say or omit things to make women feel jealous. And it’s easier, too. Less to keep track of and monitor."
I admire women with a story. I admire brokeness. I appreciate seeing the sloppy, messed up, out of order, non perfect-ness.
I also appreciate people that dream, create, and re-create. I heard a silly Owl City song and it just was goofy. It sounded like a painting.
I don't want to get stagnant. That is a hard sentence to live somedays.
Cheers to living today.
"I’d found my thing. Openness. I decided, based on firsthand experience , that it’s more fun to say things to make women feel hopeful than it is to say or omit things to make women feel jealous. And it’s easier, too. Less to keep track of and monitor."
I admire women with a story. I admire brokeness. I appreciate seeing the sloppy, messed up, out of order, non perfect-ness.
I also appreciate people that dream, create, and re-create. I heard a silly Owl City song and it just was goofy. It sounded like a painting.
I don't want to get stagnant. That is a hard sentence to live somedays.
Cheers to living today.
Monday, January 9, 2012
I want time to stop.
(this was written a few days before the new year, but in order to "post" the present, I think I need to first "post" this...)
I want time to stop.
Not because I’m not looking forward to what’s ahead. But, because I’m scared I’m going to forget all of the sweet memories that this past week has held. These memories have been sacred to me. And, for me that is a big word.
If I wait until I sort through all of the pictures, place captions, and put them in a book I would have to take another week off of work. It makes me sad that I can’t get it all done. I have chosen rest this week. I have stopped. I have snuggled, stared, napped, and relished the time with my Charlotte.
It didn’t start off easy. Nor, do I expect easy to stay. In fact, I’m a little scared of easy. When life is easy, do I really appreciate moments such as these? When time, money, food, shelter is placed in my lap do I really realize the gift of the simple? It is my biggest fear that I will become complacent to these blessings if life ever does become easy again. So, I want to be intentional, at least for this moment to notice them. I am thankful for food, shelter, love, food, family, friends and above all faith.
One week ago today our forever friends Scott and Ericka came into town. This began our week of pure joy. But, first let me back up a week prior. I could back up a year, but a week will probably sum it up.
Two weeks ago today: no kitchen sink, a washer that wouldn’t wash correctly, half installed cabinets, half installed doors, a leaking dishwasher, a half installed bar, some trim started, a new door started in front of the pantry. A ton half done, which was a huge accomplishment. These accomplishments have been such a long time coming. Ben has been working like a dog on this house for two years. Self inflicted work, yes. Some of the work cosmetic, yes. A lot done by himself, yes. It has been torture, it has been difficult, it has been very very hard. There was a month or maybe two that I avoided the house like the plague. Some of this time because I literally could not boil water, if I had wanted to. Some of this time because I had to really talk myself out of a panic attack because of the complete and utter mess. I would try and clean around construction, sometimes joyfully and most times with a half ass attempt and jetting out of the house. My efforts to help were sparse most days. My favorite time of the day in the house was when I could turn out the lights and not see my surroundings. Living under construction sucks. But, I know that there was patience to be learned and many other life lessons I can’t completely put my finger on quite yet. My earnest prayer is now that my house is live-able, host-able, and comfortable that I will share my home. My parents’ house is my sanctuary. It is there where I feel the most loved, supported, excepted and comfy. Sitting at their bar takes my worries away. It doesn’t take red meat to boost my spirits (even though I do love this Monday night treat) but sitting with people that love and except me for me. Sometimes there is advise shared, but usually it is small talk. In this small talk I find comfort. So, back to my home. I want my home to be a sanctuary for someone other than the four people that will soon occupy these quirky, unfinished, walls. Whether it be YL kids, studio kids, family or friends I am not sure, but my life is not my own and I hope through these walls I can provide someone else with a comfy place to just be. When that time is right.
Back to this week. Ben works well under a deadline. And, with a deadline of company, he made our house a home. And, for the first time in a very long time I fell in love with my house. It is still very incomplete, but now, it is very live-able. Charlotte even wanted to stay in the house many of the past few days refusing to go to the studio. That says a lot. For the first time in months or maybe a year, I have been able to rest in my home. This has been a treat.
Christmas 2011: pure joy, too much sugar, giddy giggles, tight snuggles, Buddy the Elf, family, friends, and a home we enjoyed.
Charlotte has been singing, dancing, giddy.
“Tada, I’m going to be a big sister. Today is a big sister day. I’m going to have a brother,” this was the jingle tonight. It warmed my heart as Charlotte brushed her teeth, held my hand tight, and put her head on my growing belly. Moments like this easy my worries about loving two. I already love two, and CZ’s excitement helps.
“I love you mommy, I’m so glad you are my mommy. You are the best in the world. We forgot to pray,” as we snuggled. She fell asleep holding my hand ever so sweetly against her face. It was as if her sweet little three year old self was trying to remember this moment too. A fever left her even more snuggly yesterday, and led to two days of rocking and naps with the pink blanket. She fell asleep in my lap on our swirly chair under the pink blanket. How can a mom’s heart not explode? I felt like it might, especially as little Pepper was kicking us both. I enjoyed holding my babies, enjoying the simple of this moment. Anxious and excited about the next baby, my baby, that will fall asleep in this chair with this pink blanket ever so soon. Wow.
I needed these moments to calm my stressed and anxious soul. I am so aware that I am about to blink and have two babies. My babies. Life is easy with our one. But, God spoke, the “stars aligned” and we are growing our sweet baby boy. Despite all excitement, there are a lot of fears. How can you really love another one well? Will there be other adults that love this baby as well as CZ is loved? This baby is not going to have a room of its own for a while, and it going to have a lot of hand-be-downs. I don’t want him to feel less important or second strand. CZ is calm, easy, happy...will baby number two be the opposite? These worries are spoken by others and by some just implied. I have been more emotional, more of a worry wart, and not quite as comfortable this go round. I feel better just typing that I am scared. So, for 2012, these last three months where I get to carry my baby boy around with me everywhere I go…I am going to try my best to let God calm my worries…fill my spirit with pure excitement, optimism, and complete TRUST that this baby is exactly who God wants us to raise, love, have in our family. This boy is fearfully, and wonderfully made, rest in that truth. Perfect in the eyes of God, and perfect for our family. Let the worries go. Enjoy holding my baby. Smile at the gift of being able to feel kicks, a joy that so many women dream of. And, again trust that God will prepare us to be the best parents for this child too.
“I am adequate in You.” These words pop out to me on something I had written at Laurel Ridge this summer. I am not adequate in my house, I am not adequate if I had enough money, enough friends, or really with a great family. I am adequate in God alone. With God and the truths of who I am as a woman of God, I am complete. I too am fearfully and wonderfully made. God knows every mistake, wrong turn I have made, and He still adores me.
“You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of dust. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us.”
A prayer I prayed at Laurel Ridge, July 2011: “Thank you for opening my eyes to the joy another baby will bring. In your perfect timing, I thank you for the gift to You that one day You will share with Ben & I. I thank you in advance for this.” Wow, pray in confidence. Children are a gift, a blessing to God, a gift to us for a short time. Children are not just our own. They are the God’s and I get to love Paxton, teach him about a God that adores Him and already knows everything about him. There is joy in that.
Ok, onto a different topic. I feel like a college student with a deadline. Charlotte is asleep on the chair beside me, it is 8 pm and I want desperately to not forget all of the events, thoughts, challenges and joys of 2011. I started off just wanting to remember Christmas. But now, I feel like the new year is crashing in!
A few more Christmas thoughts…
A few weeks before Christmas, CZ and I were in the mall. We rounded a corner and Charlotte held my hand even tighter. “There he is, he is real, he really is….I cannot beeeeelieeeeve it!” Grinning and giggling with her hand over her mouth as she saw Santa. What fun.
As Christmas got closer, Santa I think became scary. Buddy the Elf was watching her closely. We told her that Buddy was watching to see if she slept in her own bed or not. (We have really bad sleeping habits, and CZ often sleeps in our bed….we have coined our method the “Willy Wonka” method. We all snuggle up together.) So a few days after we told her that, she said “Buddy can tell Santa I don’t want any toys, I just want to sleep in Mommy and Daddy’s bed.” Ok, melt our heart. We are such suckers. She told this story to a few other people.
One day she whispered to Buddy that she also wanted candy, in addition to the baby doll she told Santa. CZ really didn’t want much at all this year. It was pretty simple and she was thrilled with her doll and new purse.
Christmas stops went something like this: Dinner with Scott & Ericka, Nana & Grandad’s, Christmas Eve at our church, fondue at Mimi’s house, Christmas morning at home, Nan & Pops, Ama & Grandpas, then dinner with the Cornett’s, and dinner with Sarah & Greg. Each stop was rich and sweet, topped with a huge dose of hyper. Charlotte might sum up these as inside jokes from these stops: “Butter pajamas” (Scott); “Papa says Brock doesn’t have a girlfriend, I just don’t think that is right,” “12, 12, 12, 12” Counting cards with Grant & Stacy, racing the new leggos off the stairs with Alex and Maggie, snuggling in matching pj’s with Kayla because “Cousins always get matching pj’s on Christmas, and it’s a favorite part” according to Kayla.
CZ was more smiley, and giddy than I have ever seen her. I wish I could wrap that up and open it up on a rainy grumpy day. She had a blast!
TODAY, I wish I could unwrap that joy, and enjoy it. Enjoy that sweet joy today. Instead, to enjoy Middle School. Time to focus.
I want time to stop.
Not because I’m not looking forward to what’s ahead. But, because I’m scared I’m going to forget all of the sweet memories that this past week has held. These memories have been sacred to me. And, for me that is a big word.
If I wait until I sort through all of the pictures, place captions, and put them in a book I would have to take another week off of work. It makes me sad that I can’t get it all done. I have chosen rest this week. I have stopped. I have snuggled, stared, napped, and relished the time with my Charlotte.
It didn’t start off easy. Nor, do I expect easy to stay. In fact, I’m a little scared of easy. When life is easy, do I really appreciate moments such as these? When time, money, food, shelter is placed in my lap do I really realize the gift of the simple? It is my biggest fear that I will become complacent to these blessings if life ever does become easy again. So, I want to be intentional, at least for this moment to notice them. I am thankful for food, shelter, love, food, family, friends and above all faith.
One week ago today our forever friends Scott and Ericka came into town. This began our week of pure joy. But, first let me back up a week prior. I could back up a year, but a week will probably sum it up.
Two weeks ago today: no kitchen sink, a washer that wouldn’t wash correctly, half installed cabinets, half installed doors, a leaking dishwasher, a half installed bar, some trim started, a new door started in front of the pantry. A ton half done, which was a huge accomplishment. These accomplishments have been such a long time coming. Ben has been working like a dog on this house for two years. Self inflicted work, yes. Some of the work cosmetic, yes. A lot done by himself, yes. It has been torture, it has been difficult, it has been very very hard. There was a month or maybe two that I avoided the house like the plague. Some of this time because I literally could not boil water, if I had wanted to. Some of this time because I had to really talk myself out of a panic attack because of the complete and utter mess. I would try and clean around construction, sometimes joyfully and most times with a half ass attempt and jetting out of the house. My efforts to help were sparse most days. My favorite time of the day in the house was when I could turn out the lights and not see my surroundings. Living under construction sucks. But, I know that there was patience to be learned and many other life lessons I can’t completely put my finger on quite yet. My earnest prayer is now that my house is live-able, host-able, and comfortable that I will share my home. My parents’ house is my sanctuary. It is there where I feel the most loved, supported, excepted and comfy. Sitting at their bar takes my worries away. It doesn’t take red meat to boost my spirits (even though I do love this Monday night treat) but sitting with people that love and except me for me. Sometimes there is advise shared, but usually it is small talk. In this small talk I find comfort. So, back to my home. I want my home to be a sanctuary for someone other than the four people that will soon occupy these quirky, unfinished, walls. Whether it be YL kids, studio kids, family or friends I am not sure, but my life is not my own and I hope through these walls I can provide someone else with a comfy place to just be. When that time is right.
Back to this week. Ben works well under a deadline. And, with a deadline of company, he made our house a home. And, for the first time in a very long time I fell in love with my house. It is still very incomplete, but now, it is very live-able. Charlotte even wanted to stay in the house many of the past few days refusing to go to the studio. That says a lot. For the first time in months or maybe a year, I have been able to rest in my home. This has been a treat.
Christmas 2011: pure joy, too much sugar, giddy giggles, tight snuggles, Buddy the Elf, family, friends, and a home we enjoyed.
Charlotte has been singing, dancing, giddy.
“Tada, I’m going to be a big sister. Today is a big sister day. I’m going to have a brother,” this was the jingle tonight. It warmed my heart as Charlotte brushed her teeth, held my hand tight, and put her head on my growing belly. Moments like this easy my worries about loving two. I already love two, and CZ’s excitement helps.
“I love you mommy, I’m so glad you are my mommy. You are the best in the world. We forgot to pray,” as we snuggled. She fell asleep holding my hand ever so sweetly against her face. It was as if her sweet little three year old self was trying to remember this moment too. A fever left her even more snuggly yesterday, and led to two days of rocking and naps with the pink blanket. She fell asleep in my lap on our swirly chair under the pink blanket. How can a mom’s heart not explode? I felt like it might, especially as little Pepper was kicking us both. I enjoyed holding my babies, enjoying the simple of this moment. Anxious and excited about the next baby, my baby, that will fall asleep in this chair with this pink blanket ever so soon. Wow.
I needed these moments to calm my stressed and anxious soul. I am so aware that I am about to blink and have two babies. My babies. Life is easy with our one. But, God spoke, the “stars aligned” and we are growing our sweet baby boy. Despite all excitement, there are a lot of fears. How can you really love another one well? Will there be other adults that love this baby as well as CZ is loved? This baby is not going to have a room of its own for a while, and it going to have a lot of hand-be-downs. I don’t want him to feel less important or second strand. CZ is calm, easy, happy...will baby number two be the opposite? These worries are spoken by others and by some just implied. I have been more emotional, more of a worry wart, and not quite as comfortable this go round. I feel better just typing that I am scared. So, for 2012, these last three months where I get to carry my baby boy around with me everywhere I go…I am going to try my best to let God calm my worries…fill my spirit with pure excitement, optimism, and complete TRUST that this baby is exactly who God wants us to raise, love, have in our family. This boy is fearfully, and wonderfully made, rest in that truth. Perfect in the eyes of God, and perfect for our family. Let the worries go. Enjoy holding my baby. Smile at the gift of being able to feel kicks, a joy that so many women dream of. And, again trust that God will prepare us to be the best parents for this child too.
“I am adequate in You.” These words pop out to me on something I had written at Laurel Ridge this summer. I am not adequate in my house, I am not adequate if I had enough money, enough friends, or really with a great family. I am adequate in God alone. With God and the truths of who I am as a woman of God, I am complete. I too am fearfully and wonderfully made. God knows every mistake, wrong turn I have made, and He still adores me.
“You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of dust. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us.”
A prayer I prayed at Laurel Ridge, July 2011: “Thank you for opening my eyes to the joy another baby will bring. In your perfect timing, I thank you for the gift to You that one day You will share with Ben & I. I thank you in advance for this.” Wow, pray in confidence. Children are a gift, a blessing to God, a gift to us for a short time. Children are not just our own. They are the God’s and I get to love Paxton, teach him about a God that adores Him and already knows everything about him. There is joy in that.
Ok, onto a different topic. I feel like a college student with a deadline. Charlotte is asleep on the chair beside me, it is 8 pm and I want desperately to not forget all of the events, thoughts, challenges and joys of 2011. I started off just wanting to remember Christmas. But now, I feel like the new year is crashing in!
A few more Christmas thoughts…
A few weeks before Christmas, CZ and I were in the mall. We rounded a corner and Charlotte held my hand even tighter. “There he is, he is real, he really is….I cannot beeeeelieeeeve it!” Grinning and giggling with her hand over her mouth as she saw Santa. What fun.
As Christmas got closer, Santa I think became scary. Buddy the Elf was watching her closely. We told her that Buddy was watching to see if she slept in her own bed or not. (We have really bad sleeping habits, and CZ often sleeps in our bed….we have coined our method the “Willy Wonka” method. We all snuggle up together.) So a few days after we told her that, she said “Buddy can tell Santa I don’t want any toys, I just want to sleep in Mommy and Daddy’s bed.” Ok, melt our heart. We are such suckers. She told this story to a few other people.
One day she whispered to Buddy that she also wanted candy, in addition to the baby doll she told Santa. CZ really didn’t want much at all this year. It was pretty simple and she was thrilled with her doll and new purse.
Christmas stops went something like this: Dinner with Scott & Ericka, Nana & Grandad’s, Christmas Eve at our church, fondue at Mimi’s house, Christmas morning at home, Nan & Pops, Ama & Grandpas, then dinner with the Cornett’s, and dinner with Sarah & Greg. Each stop was rich and sweet, topped with a huge dose of hyper. Charlotte might sum up these as inside jokes from these stops: “Butter pajamas” (Scott); “Papa says Brock doesn’t have a girlfriend, I just don’t think that is right,” “12, 12, 12, 12” Counting cards with Grant & Stacy, racing the new leggos off the stairs with Alex and Maggie, snuggling in matching pj’s with Kayla because “Cousins always get matching pj’s on Christmas, and it’s a favorite part” according to Kayla.
CZ was more smiley, and giddy than I have ever seen her. I wish I could wrap that up and open it up on a rainy grumpy day. She had a blast!
TODAY, I wish I could unwrap that joy, and enjoy it. Enjoy that sweet joy today. Instead, to enjoy Middle School. Time to focus.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012
As the clock struck midnight...Ben and I quietly, with one she opened, held hands and watched Pepper dance iny belly. Pepper is what I am most excited about greating in 2012!
New years day is one of my favorite days of the year. My slate feels clean. I love the feeling of newness.
Cheers to new beginnings, new birth, new hope.
XOXO
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
